20 Things I Learned in Atlantic City

To everyone out there who’s been jonesing for some new inuyesta posts, I apologize for my absence this weekend. I promise there was a good reason for my absence though. You see, this weekend I made my first-ever trip to that crumbling seaside slum quintessential East Coast Gaming Mecca, Atlantic City! Here are 20 things I learned while there.

1. Pineapple juice and vodka is the king of cocktails.
2. People who enjoy slot machines are probably dolts.
3. Most stereotypes about people from Philly and South Jersey are true.
4. Casinos attract some of the most disgusting people on earth.
5. Never eat after playing poker without serious hand-washing.
6. There is nothing about this region that magically makes cheesesteaks taste way better.
7. One meal at Panda Express is sufficient food for a day.
8. There is no non-awkward way to ask a stranger if they are a person you vaguely know from your internet poker forum.
9. Super nice poker chips are cool, but they’re worthless if you can’t shuffle them.
10. Never pay for Internet at a Harrah’s resort.
11. Attractive cocktail waitresses are nice, but I kinda prefer ugly ones who know how to get my drink in a timely fashion.
12. Despite Lesson 11, I’m pretty sure I still tipped the hot, slow waitresses more.
13. Not every problem can be solved by firing more barrels.
14. Poker is much different when 6 people see every flop and none of them know what they’re doing.
15. I miss online poker. A lot.
16. NFC East fans are some of the most absurd homers around.
17. Smokers should be required by law to carry a bottle of Axe on their person at all times.
18. Tube TVs made by Zenith still exist, even in $200/night hotel rooms.
19. It is possible to have a fun getaway all by yourself.
20. Always end vacations on a high note.

Author: inuyesta

Law student with Josh Lyman dreams in a Toby Ziegler reality.

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