To everyone out there who’s been jonesing for some new inuyesta posts, I apologize for my absence this weekend. I promise there was a good reason for my absence though. You see, this weekend I made my first-ever trip to that
crumbling seaside slum quintessential East Coast Gaming Mecca, Atlantic City! Here are 20 things I learned while there.
1. Pineapple juice and vodka is the king of cocktails.
2. People who enjoy slot machines are probably dolts.
3. Most stereotypes about people from Philly and South Jersey are true.
4. Casinos attract some of the most disgusting people on earth.
5. Never eat after playing poker without serious hand-washing.
6. There is nothing about this region that magically makes cheesesteaks taste way better.
7. One meal at Panda Express is sufficient food for a day.
8. There is no non-awkward way to ask a stranger if they are a person you vaguely know from your internet poker forum.
9. Super nice poker chips are cool, but they’re worthless if you can’t shuffle them.
10. Never pay for Internet at a Harrah’s resort.
11. Attractive cocktail waitresses are nice, but I kinda prefer ugly ones who know how to get my drink in a timely fashion.
12. Despite Lesson 11, I’m pretty sure I still tipped the hot, slow waitresses more.
13. Not every problem can be solved by firing more barrels.
14. Poker is much different when 6 people see every flop and none of them know what they’re doing.
15. I miss online poker. A lot.
16. NFC East fans are some of the most absurd homers around.
17. Smokers should be required by law to carry a bottle of Axe on their person at all times.
18. Tube TVs made by Zenith still exist, even in $200/night hotel rooms.
19. It is possible to have a fun getaway all by yourself.
20. Always end vacations on a high note.
As the other authors of this blog already know, I’m pretty much obsessed with getting them to regularly watch Chris Hayes’ ridiculously scheduled TV show on weekend mornings. My efforts haven’t been entirely wasted, as inuyesta watched last weekend and managed to get into a minor Twitter exchange with conservative guest Michael Brendan Dougherty over his appearance, ending in… victory!
Anyway, obviously, it’s a great show, and not just for the great guests or the insightful commentary. I mean, how awesome is this, created after Newt Gingrich’s South Carolina win:
Unspeakably awesome, that’s how awesome.
This morning, after showing a video clip of Rick Santorum saying that the Obama administration’s actions concerning a contraception coverage mandate are leading us down a road to the guillotine (Ed note: HOLY REAGANBALLS!), the show’s graphic artists came up with this:
So much win.
Greetings faithful reader(s)!
Welcome to the second edition (first edition here) of the post we do every Friday where we blatantly steal from one of our favorite websites, Wonkette. One of the best things about Wonkette is the hilariously mean-spirited nicknames they use to describe the people they are making fun of for being stupid, saying horrible things, or very often, both.
We collected five of these awesome nicknames and mixed them up a bit, and now you get to try to guess which insulting description goes with which horrible person. Yes, we’ve combined the infantile name-calling that is poisoning our discourse with all the fun of a 4th grade vocabulary quiz!
Feel free to head over to Wonkette to cheat.
|1. Pedantic swamp bubble
||A. Joe the Plumber
|2. Spoiled pot roast
||B. Newt Gingrich
|3. Cadaverous walking smirk
||C. Bill O’Reilly
|4. Poisonous creature of the deep
||D. John McCain
|5. Crabby old rust tit
||E. Rick Santorum
Have a great weekend.
Yep, gonna use this all year long. (Unless Romney loses the nomination, in which case I’ll be laughing too hard to post anything.)
This quiz is terrifying.
I got 4/10 correct. Newt Gingrich has won a primary in the State of South Carolina to be the nominee for the Republican Party, and he is almost indistinguishable from Dwight Schrute, a sitcom character.
I’m really kind of surprised that I had never seen this until now. I’m sure someone must have done this before, because it is so obvious, but I didn’t see it until last night.
Childish? Absolutely. Enlightening or productive? Nope. Am I still gonna use this in every future post I ever make about the Romney campaign? You betcha!
UPDATED TO ADD: I didn’t do this. I found it in the comments section of a buzzfeed post here.
I’ve seen this numerous places too. Does anyone know if this is a photoshop or a Freudian sorting error by the Mittbot?